Stop Wasting your life!

That's what I secretly hear people preaching to me. Saying that I need to get a better job. Saying that I need to start "testing the field" if I ever want to be married. Here is to all the voices that say I'm a bum. I DO NOT LIVE FOR THIS WORLD. I'd be waisting my life if I spent every waking moment working and studying. I am called to be there for my friends and with my friends. They are my ministry. I absolutely refuse to get a job that will remove me completely from them. I am not called to do that. I would rather live on the street then live for myself. I am going to wait for the Lord to provide a wife. I am not going to go around and try to date every woman that I can find. I am not going to rely on my charm and my good looks (if I even have them) to produce a wife. I will minister unto the Lord today cause I have time to. I am going to minister to my friends cause I have time to. I am going to serve others in their need cause I have time to. I will not fall for the ways of this world. I am not bound by the unwritten rules of what I "should" be doing for a guy my age. I do not live to obtain wealth... my world does not revolve around finding a wife and having a family. Sure those things will come in time, but I am not going to lay down what the Lord is wanting to do for the sake of trying to obtain them. I lay down my agendas for the sake of following the Lord. I will not lay down the Lord's agendas to obtain wealth and a family. I will worship the Lord my God alone. I will not worship having a woman... I will not worship having a wife. Finally... if I am going to waste my life... I will waste it upon him.

Rejoice

Rejoice all you who are going through trial. Rejoice all you who suffer need for your God has not left you. His love has lead you here for a reason.

Fall arrives and the leaves die and the trees are barren. You must pass through winter to find spring. Then the trees will bare their fruit in abbundance once again.

From when the sun sets to the sunrise... God is with you through the night. God is working things for the good even in seasons where the stalls are empty... and you go to bed hungry.

God is good and is going to bring us through this.

For you who are not in trial... be blessed! Enjoy what God is doing.

For those who are in trial... be blessed! Enjoy what God is doing.

No matter what we are going through God is doing a good work.

Losing Confidence

Today I am less confident in my ability as a minister than I was a year ago.

That makes absolutely no sense right? I mean I know more scripture. I've recieved a ton more revelation. I am by far more mature as a son of God than I was a year ago. I have done a lot of ministering this past year. I have found out what I'm called to do, and I fill the role well (not boasting in self).

I mean come on, what is wrong with me? I should be way more confident in my ability than a year ago right?

Well... something that comes with growing is a growing awareness of your need for him.

This frees me to be humble and truly view others as better than myself. In this God has an open door to use me to affect people.

Living the Dream

I am living the dream life. I have no money in my wallet right now. I still live with my parents. My cars roof leaks, trunk won't latch, and the windshield wipers don't work. My woredrobe is by far limited... and on top of this I have certification tests piling up due to lack of funds to pay the testing fee.

The best part is that despite all these things I know and are coming to know my God. I live daily in his presence, and he guides my steps. I am free from worry, fear, and doubt when I am underneath his wings. I, on a daily basis, have access to love that will overwhelm me every time I recieve it. I have found the feasting table and my soul will never grow hungry again. I have found the spring in the dessert and my soul will never go thirsty again.

We are all aware of the incompleteness that humanity deals with. I have found the one who completes me and he will never leave me nor forsake me. Instead of shame he gives me a double portion.

I am living the dream!

The cancer of Self

Something that has been really evident in my walk this past week is the death of self-centeredness. Wow, that sounded so much better in my head. My articulation skills need some work...

Anyways, Christ was the perfect example of what we were made to do. The Word says that there is no greater love than a man laying his life down for his friend. For less poetic terms... being a servant. We are also told in 1Cor13 that love is not self-seeking. I've probably read that verse a thousand times and said "Amen" but never really expirienced the truth of that until lately.

I've been drowning myself in self pity. For less poetic terms... complaining about life. Which, as a matter of fact, life cannot possibly be better right now. I have been to so manny friends weddings and so many of my friends are falling in love. (Bible does say to rejoice with your brethren right?) I cannot stop seeing the goodness of the Lord towards my friends. It's absolutely amazing. I remember a time when I'd be leaping for joy (litteraly) about these things. Instead I've focused on what I have recieved lately.

When all you think about is yourself... your missing it. It is better to give than to recieve. It is better to give your life away than focus on making it better.

Every time I look at myself and center my world view around that... I reap (sp?) nothing but death.

So lately I've been getting addicted to this concept of giving your life away... tis so much sweeter for the soul. For less poetic terms... right on!

Made in the image of God

My sister had her baby a couple of weeks ago, and might i say it was the cutest baby I've EVER seen. I'm hoping after I get married and my wife has a child that it would be at least half as cute.

Anyways... that little baby is made in the image of the living God. This world only expects her to grow up, make money, and obey the laws. Fortunately for her there is a much higher purpose and calling.

All I know is that there is so much more to who we are and what we were made for than these daily routines. This creation is growning for the manifestations of the sons of God. I don't know much but I do know that God has called us his sons. If all of creation is groaning for our manifestation then perhaps we aren't living up to what we were made for... or perhaps we just don't know who we really are.

One step at a time, God will lead us into our destiny... trust, believe, and rest.

Mighty one the Lord

Right now I feel safe. I'm in a boat with the Lord, and he has command over the waves that buffet this ship of mine. No matter how high the waves get or how hard the wind blows... he's mighty to save.

His Son

His Spirit testifies to our spirit that we are sons of God. To me that is so awesome! Take the time and just meditate on what it means to be God's son.

Yesterday I was struggling that morning recieving God's forgiveness. My mouth started filling with words and my mind racing with thoughts, but the Lord's only responce was placing a finger over my mouth to quiet me and a kiss on my forehead to calm my thoughts.

Standing there I just stood there at complete peace in his embrace, and he gave me a vision. It was a vision of me stumbling towards him after getting beat up by this world, and him running to me to embrace me. Not one ounce of anger was on his face as he gave me a hug picking me up and swirling around bursting with joy saying this is my son! Without shame or hesitation he said that I was his son.

After that he took off my dirty robes and clothed me with new ones, and put a ring on my figher. Accept this ring went on my wedding finger. 

Hope and Pray

I will continue to walk through the fire in hope that one day God will make beauty from these ashes. Until he does... I will continue to stand in faith. I will stand until I die or he does his work... whichever comes first. I didn't choose this path cause I thought it was going to make this life better. It has in fact made my life hard... but I decided to walk down this path cause I fell in love with the Lord.

I hope and pray that one day I will see the goodness of the Lord with my eyes, and not just by faith. I keep saying this season of pain has an end but it just keeps lingering on. I pray that the Lord will do his work within me, however long it takes...

Today I will spend the whole day studying in humble servatude to my savior. He has given me this path for a reason and I will not forsake it for selfish pleasures.

I don't understand why I am the only one this way... but I pray, if it is my weakness that causes me to hurt the way I do, that the Lord would fix me. If it is not than I pray that the Lord would sustain me through this time. 

Steps For Change

Step 1: Admit you have a problem. "I am self-centered."

Step 2: Repent. "I don't want to be self-centered. I was made to have you at my center."

Step 3: Ask for forgiveness. "Lord forgive me for all these days wasted on focusing on myself. Would you change my stubborn heart."

Step 4: Forgive yourself. "..." I'm working on that.

Who are you?

In responce to the enemys lies...

Who are you to tell me that I'm less than what I should be? Who are you to council the Lord in his judgements. He has deemed me righteous, holy, and free. Who are you to tell me that I'm unloveable when the Lord loves me. Who are you to tell me that I'm a wretched man, when I am the righteoussness of Christ? Who are you to tell me that I am bound to my sin, when I am free in Christ Jesus? Who are you to say that I am unwanted, when I am accepted in the beloved? Who are you to say that I am defenceless, when the Lord is my strong tower? Who are you to say I am worthless, when God is jealous for me? Who are you to tell me that I am forgotten, when the Lords thoughts of me are more than the sand on the sea shore? Who are you to tell me that I am unable, when I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me? Who are you to tell me that you're impenetrable, when the gates of hell will not prevail against me?

I find that I see myself less than what I really am cause I believe the lies of the enemy. It is time for me to stand confidently in who I really am.