Walking stumbly on these shadow feet

Every time I put my shoes on I notice a little more how much they have worn down, knowing it's only a short while until they end up just like every other pair of shoes I've ever bought... broken and torn up.

While growing up I was in a wonderful group of friends, but now we have departed on different roads of our choosing. Today I have college, and I know that eventually it will fade away in a soon to be distant past.

I'm on my third vehicle, and my second cell phone... all of these too will fade away into just another memory.

I have amazing friends now... who knows where the Lord will lead us. I hope that it is in the same area, but I'm not going to pretend to be ignorant of the fact that God has different plans for us all. I know that what I have now with you guys, this ability to hang out like we do, will some day be a past memory and God will have me in different fellowships meeting their needs as a servant of Christ. I thank him that we are all in Christ and never that far in the spirit, but we will not always be physicaly there for each other.

I've learned that what I have physicaly here on this earth will fade away, but only he will remain. He's the only thing steady and constant throughout the passing of time.

Right now it feels that each step I take, in the physical, feels like a mere shadow in comparison to eternity with him.

A call to war!

This morning I woke up from a terrible dream. The dream was an obvious direct attack on the specific sensitive areas in my life. The Lord stirred within me to go to EHOP and lay those areas before him afresh.

When I got there I was pleasantly surprised to find Janis (sp?) there. Of course I was struggling against those lies, and was actually hoping for a prophetic word (is that wrong?). Instead I got a call to stand up again. She pretty much told me to continue to pray and walk out in submission to him. Something I've already been doing...

Sometimes I find that when something isn't producing immediate fruit I want to think there's something I'm missing. Something that would speed this process up. I tend to not want to hear about having to do what I've been doing, cause that means I'll have to be diligent and wait for the change to happen. I'm a sucker for an easy way out.

But once again I'm called to fight and press forward. When I get knocked down, I just have to get back up and fight again. Even if that means doing it over and over and over again. One day all this prayer, and all these times of submission and yielding will bare fruit unto his glory. Till that day comes I'm going to continue to chipping away at the enemy's strong holds.

Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God

I'm finally starting to see a plant sprout up within my heart from all this prayer. I finally feel free enough to say that I just want to seek the Lord without second guessing myself.

This whole finding a girl thing is so exhausting and confusing. I am convinced that when the Lord sees fit to bring a girl into my life I'll leave it up to him to do that. As for me... I'm going to put aside my feelings towards this one girl and seek the Lord's face.

I'm just not interested in having to pursue a girl... it's just not what I'm made to do.

I was made for more!

I wake up this morning with a deep longing. I look around at my life and feel so unfulfilled. I look at my future career and what I have to look forward to, and I realize that it's impossible to find the fulfillment that I'm looking for.

What good is it if all I live for is money, a woman, family, and friends when I leave this place? What satisfaction is there for living for what I see? I was made for more! We were made to live for more than ourselves.

Christ has opened my eyes towards eternity, and what I see today just doesn't cut it for me.

I want him!

Not in Control

I'm starting to like this whole "not understanding" thing. It's a nice indicator for me that I'm not in control of my life.

I'm on a journey to only God knows where, and I'm riding shotgun.

The best thing is that I'm already convinced that I don't know what I'm doing so I'm even more driven to surrender all to him. He has always been faithful and always will be faithful. I just have to be patient enough to let him work. ^_^